Pada Syawal yang Mulia...

Blessed Eid ul-Fitr and Maaf Zahir dan Batin.. Salam Aidilfitri.. Haven't been able to check in with the blog for longest time now.. probably cause I've not been too affected recently? Maybe its disassociation. But today is an auspicious day indeed.

Raya aidilfitri as we say in Malaysia has always been a celebration to look forward to. More so this year than ever, however that dream was short-lived. Many things I had in mind, many ideas of raya, many scenarios. It would have been perfect, the timing would have been perfect. I always wanted to share Ramadhan with someone, properly berbuka with the family and celebrating Raya helping out with the open house or simply visiting. Now, see how this Would Have been perfect to indulge myself into the culture and family. I so wanted to be a part of all this and I really open to everything. Still wondering what is she up to and how is raya over there..

"I dont know whats happening with you but I missed you"

Owh, its a wet raya here around my area. Its just something about the rain that soothes the soul and calms the spirit. Was in a friends open house, one I must visit every Raya. This truly was a 1Malaysia open house. There were vast variety of people, food and drinks. Beer and wine catered for the non-Muslim, all and everyone is jolly happy chattering about catching up with old friends and meeting new ones. I love this open house best. Have not had any open house beat this yet.

Standard Chatered has been good. People there are friendly, bosses intimidating and assuming. what a combination.. LOL. everyday I meet someone new and get this question, "but you're a photographer, what the heck are you doing here in a bank?" I usually just laugh before repeating the whole reality tv thing with "Nokia The Rookie" that story never fail to draw attention.. i likes attention.. hehehe.

anyways, here's some random rants i've been collecting in between this post and the previous..

nicest feeling cant stop talking
"Hi heart, Meet and old friend, dagger" says brain.
possible something to deffinate nothing!
And here it goes, the emo continues.. haha.
Ever felt like you've in the wrong place at the wrong time? Like everything
has a time and place i understand but not you apparently. you have no time
nor do you have place among the society you're in.. wow, how crappy can
things get. motivation and demotivation is such a subjective thing that
either one frustrates you the with such similar propensity that it drives
you nothing but anoying nuts.

How tired I am of this unbarable distance between up
How I long of the toll of the recess bell
Have you forgotten me?
Grown mindless of me?
Tell me I'm not writing into an abyss,
or thats what will become of my heart

someone once asked, "why do you love me?"
and I felt so lousy i couldn't answer her.
then I realised how pure the feeling was. There is no material or feelings to compare to or equate. It was not 'subjected' to something. It was wholesome. So much so even if she breaks a thousand times this soul will still hold

Let go when you're hurting too much. Give up when love isn't enough. Move on when things aren't like before.

friends..
it was trouble when the first person you see when you wake up is also the last person you see when you fall asleep.
trouble is proximity, and i always said, really counts.
that's exactly growing to love a person, or some might call it falling in love with the person.

Oh her eyes, her eyes
Make the stars look like they're not shining
Her hair, her hair
Falls perfectly without her trying

She's so beautiful
And I tell her every day

Yeah I know, I know
When I compliment her
She wont believe me
And its so, its so
Sad to think she don't see what I see

But every time she asks me do I look okay
I say

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

Her nails, her nails
I could kiss them all day if she'd let me
Her laugh, her laugh
She hates but I think its so sexy

She's so beautiful
And I tell her every day

Oh you know, you know, you know
Id never ask you to change
If perfect is what you're searching for
Then just stay the same

So don't even bother asking
If you look okay
You know I say

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

The way you are
The way you are
Girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

did you know...

that

At least 2 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.

At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.

A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.

Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

You mean the world to someone.

If not for you, someone may not be living.

You are special and unique.

When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you trust God to do what's best, and wait on His time, sooner or later, you will get it or something better.

When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good can still come from it.

When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.

Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.

and you!

season 2 finale. like seriously what is up people's head? yes we are all thinking creatures. we are called to think. so think before speaking. there are so many possibilities, too many in the universe in fact. In time of confusion, do not hesitate, do not assume, most importantly do not shut our intuition out, conscience, in lay-er term; gut feeling. Scholars and philosophers have said before; realisations are revelations, when it comes it is usually enlightening, sometimes regretful, Joyous, and sometimes, too late.

Treat people righteously, give them the respect, gratitude and all they deserve. Even if you are unsure, it does not mean someone is to be a sacrificial lamb here. Though it is a separate issue all together that they are willing to. People and things come and go day in day out. we hurt those closes to us, but they are still there. They who believed in us when we had no faith in ourselves, held us when we lost our balance, caught us when we were falling, cradle us when we fell. WHY? Why so? of course! its this thing call love cos it cant be obligation, it cant be anything else. And yet we know we could treat them better. Priority given, priority taken, priority all messed up. There is only so much humans can do out of obligation. look at prayers for instant, people pray out of obligation and when they're in trouble. How often do we truly praise God, thank God, in prayers?

When was the last time you said 'Thank you' and meant it. Do you remember what was it you were thankful for? Friendship, is it overrated these day and age? I tell you what it is, taken for granted that's what it is and so is all other form of relationships.

What is the most valuable thing in your life? why?
Can we live life simply? not simple, simply. Ask yourself.
Tepuk dada, tanye selera.

I'm ever greatful to have done what I did, met who I meet, share what I shared, give what I gave, feel what I felt. Thank you. I know I am alive. I know how to appreciate.

Random thoughts of the day..

Obsesiku - Aqasha

We love ourselves even after doing many mistakes. Then how can we hate others for their one mistake. Think before you hate someone or hate yourself.

Swimming along the flow is effortless but swimming against it needs effort. Don't go the way life takes you, but take life the way you wanna go. Dare to be different.
(To flow with the current will sometimes bring you to a big waterfall.)

The greatest advantage of speaking the truth is that you don't have to remember what you said. Think about it.

A beautiful saying: If your eyes are positive you would like all the people in the world. But if your tongue is positive all the people in the world like you.

Life is about the art of drawing without an eraser, so be careful while taking decisions about the most valuable pages of your life.

Life is like a coin. Pleasure and Pain are the two sides. Only one side is visible at a time. But remember other side is also waiting for it's turn.

If you like someone, show it. It will be sweeter then telling. But if you don't like someone. Just tell it. It will be less painful then showing it.

A very true but strange quote: Love doesn't start in morning & end in evening. It starts when you don't need it & ends when you need it most.

What's greater then mom's love? Which pillow is better then lover's lap? Which company's better then friends? There are some things in life with no substitutes. Love them forever.

A boy loved a girl so much. One day he proposed to her. But she refused. Still he was not sad. His friends asked him, didn't you feel bad? He said, why should I feel? I lost the one who never loved me. But she lost the one who really loves her.

finale

wow its here. survived the bashing. now its time to face the music. production has hinted throughout their editing of the episodes who they have chosen, and who is to get out. We were all accessories. I wished everyone the best. it has been a pleasure working with you guys through thick and thin. If there is one thing i have to say it would be everyone was being themselves except one who played us all. you were good actor. so long farewell i hate to say goodbye...

Its alright. I'm alright.

the rant continues.. pls note that it's not about u. go get your own stories.. see.. crazys

I came, I saw, I tried and I fell. now I'm getting up. It sure aint easy. I freaked when things weren't going according to expectation. Yes I was led, but things became really crazy as i will refer to in the song from the previous post. It has cost much, everyone knew i was distracted, but I didn't like that, cos its not accurate. but you cant blame them, thats what they saw, thats what they wanna believe. sadly thats also what they will say and talk about.
Its coming to the end of the journey. 4 more days to go and the nerve wreaking phase of live will end and hopefully a new and exciting journey will begin. Beginning with a new career prospect, a new leaf, a new dawn, a new day. Being here now, looking around and thinking, shit! what have i been doing? what have i done? what have i not done? and all this while, what the heck was i thinking?
they say "spend your life with someone who accepts and loves you, not someone you have to impress" dont ask me who the hell are "they" i dont know k.

If i go before i wake, i pray to God my soul to keep. I have not gotten done many things. so I wont go, I Cant go. But who am I to say such things. Its up to him to judge and do unto me. but I would like to apologize to everyone I have hurt, saddened, disappointed, ignored, made fun of, taken for granted of etc etc. You never know when will it be your last time speaking, seeing, spending time with another.

condolences to Debbs, sorry for your lost.

every moment is change. so much we can do but all we need is to decide to do it. not doing 'it' lol
i'm starting to type rubbish and crap. save the embarrass

This song..

Well youre the closest thing I have
To bring up in a conversation
About a love that didnt last
But I could never call you mine
Cause I could never call myself yours
And if we were really meant to be
Well then we justify destiny
Its not that our love died
Just never really bloomed

Well I cant let go
No, I cant let go of you
Youre holding me back without even trying to.
I cant let go
I cant move on from the past
Without lifting a finger youre holding me back.

And then we saw our paths diverge
And I guess I felt OK about it.
Until you got with another man,
And then I couldnt understand
Why it bothered me so.
How we didnt die we just
Never had a chance to grow.

I cant let go
No, I cant let go of you
Youre holding me back without even trying to.
I cant let go
I cant move on from the past.
Without lifting a finger youre holding me back.

And it might not make much sense
To you or any of my friends
Though somehow still you affect the
Things I do.
And you cant lose what you never had
I dont understand why I feel sad
Every time I see you out with someone new.

I'd never in a million years imagined that someone would write such an accurate song at this moment. Its as if he plucked the words from my mouth. It doesnt help that I stupidly made a discovery over somethings. This is me digging my own grave again. This is so useless. This is so blaeh.. I dont know what I feel exactly, sadness, frustration or anything. like lost of hope all of a sudden.

For once the I feel the pressure. What have I been lolly-gagging on for years just turned around and kick me in the face.. ouch. what have I build for myself? this is not me. I'm more than this! my credentials are weak now. they are not where they're suppose to be. This is me freaking out about Approval.

I dont understand how I can be so similar. physically and with at least 1 passion in common. That is probably why, no, this IS why things have been up and down so much. now I see and understand where it comes from. I still care/love nonetheless.